A bit of me

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Been doing this for too long now.
I’ve been taking it hard, and I won’t allow
For this to crush me anymore.
I dropped to many times on the floor
And I think I’ll make it, I made it, I break it
I take it, bit by bit until I hit
The no more ‘quit’.

I just have to admit,
That to run, and burn, I still don’t learn.
The fuck is wrong with me?
At least I have a home to go to.

For some time I had no clue,
What to do, is there a queue,
Maybe looking for a clue, a rule.
But no, I wasn’t holding myself accountable
For every breath and every situation I found destructible.

No, I wasn’t taking life by the balls, demanding no variable,
Just the freedom to create, to live, elaborate
My ideas, my ideals, my meals, paying the bills.
I struggled, still do, looking for that too.

For who?
My me, the one I can be, the one who sets freely
Walking those heels, that tight dress, not wanting to impress
Or guess who she deserves, without making a mess.

All I ever wanted was to live happily, care free,
Smiling at people, at my love,
While needing to look at me
With a light heart, a big laugh,
Cultivating trust
Without pacing myself or placing myself
At the centre of my own misfortune,
With so much distrust.

But all’s ok, I’m no orphan,
And it’s so common
For me, us, all to think we have a problem.
We are all broken, beaten, rotten, uncertain,
And if so, it will be hell to go to,
To come back tall, like a fireball,
And above all,
Accept that this heart of yours, of ours
Can heal, will live, and reave only what it needs
To smile big,
And feel complete.