I am interminably asking myself: What matters? What freaking matters? Pain, loneliness, love, disappointment, staying alive, enabling your strength, wins…
We try to hide who we are, we play games, we do all that is in our power to drain ourselves to mask it all, to not stay awake, to not understand who that is in the mirror starring at us.
We live by death. We live by lies. We restlessly try and fight to stay the same. We don’t want to know what lies beneath our skin, deep in our mind. No! God, NO!
Maybe there are times when we reach for that unturned rock, curious for what’s underneath. But the minute we can reach it, our fingers close, and we make a step back tormented by our insane idea to explore more. No! What will we unleash? Too dangerous. What if it changes us, Precious?!
You scream: You can’t break me down! You can’t hurt me! You are screaming at yourself. You make yourself proud. You bite that apple, glad, smiling. You savour that bite, and now the apple wastes on the chair. The core is dark, rotten. You are glad!