Are we too much?
In bed, covered with my blanked while a hot tear is spreading to my neck. In my mind there are only noises: shattered glasses of expectations, bombs of disillusionment, heavy waves of insecurities and numerous stitches of heartbreak.
I feel how my heart cries, making my eyes water. I close them tight, while I force myself to take deep breaths and ignore how my morale erodes.
It’s so hard because he is here, cooking in the kitchen. I managed to make him frustrated too. The person I wanted to protect the most of my demons and my improperly wired mind, has become a victim now. So, I weep, so I crash, so I fall.
I am not sure if he can manage me…even if his job demands it. Funny story how the ones you wish to protect the most, end up suffering the deepest.
It’s so late, but he said that cooking gives him clarity, an opportunity to make smart decisions, and to cope with his dissatisfaction. But will he? Can he come back to me? Or have I pushed him away to never recover?
Can wounded minds and hearts ever recover? Can they transform to receive and in return offer enough love to let someone else get closer?