Whys

– Break the rules?

– Uhm…sure, I don’t know. Maybe…

It just so happens that people undergo unbelievable or ludicrous experiences, and still feel complacent and empty about their life. Curiously enough, something trivial can spark a revelation. The smallest of things can distort someone’s perspective, and make it spin like the past has never happened.

How can someone spend their whole life fighting for a goal or a dream, believing until the last second the he/she will succeed, but in the end fail? And how come something insignificant can motivate people like nothing else, giving them the courage and determination to fight it all?

Our world is irregular, and for some reason humankind has tried to even up reality, use labels, control the mayhem around, convinced that there is order in a constant chaotic state of mind.

Concurrently, my friends change their minds weekly about how to deal with their existence, so they share their struggles, and even ask me:

‘I admire the strength in people probably because mine was too afraid to show up at my door. I am too afraid to make a voice of myself because my insecurities might shatter it away. Why, why, do I find myself wondering? Why should I care and why should I let others determine my value, my worth?!’

‘Where is my place? Where is my home? Where in my heart will I find the peace I need? Tonight, I decided to walk in the rain with the umbrella in my bag. I wanted to feel the cold drops on my face, waking me up…hoping for some sort of sanity. I couldn’t go straight home because the hot tears came rushing through my face, and I needed the rain to cool off my struggling soul. I hoped the rain would dissolve my pain together with my weeps, or at least bring some clarity… I wanted to believe with all my breathing soul that it did, but it didn’t.’

‘I’ve been on my own, fighting for the things I wanted. I never quit and I always deliver when I put my mind to it. With every goal I achieve, my satisfaction diminishes and I don’t get that thrill anymore. Of course I am happy for finishing a task but when I close my eyes at night, I feel…nothing. I thought that I would be happy, or that I would feel accomplished, but I don’t. Why? What is wrong with me?’

All of these questions, deepen our frustration with the world. And if you ask me, I think that happens because we change, constantly: our background, the people around us, our perceptions, society…nothing stands still for too long, and if you fight it, you will get drowned in a waterfall of questions, misunderstandings and dissatisfaction. The funny thing is, that many of us want stability and peace, and of course that we can have that…but again – not for too long.

In the end, I agree with all the people that say to enjoy ‘the now’, don’t worry too much about the future and take each day as it comes. Occasionally, taking a deep breath, and omitting to overthink, might dissolve all of your worries (or some).

“The human being is a most curious creature. He thinks he has got one soul, and he has got dozens.” D. H. Lawrence