Here I am in Paris with lovely company, drinking wine by the Seine, and for a brief moment I feel happy, at peace with my life.

How I love watching people: the way they smile at each other, how their hearts sing when they touch, and how everyone is unwinding, untroubled by anything. I take a deep breath while I rest the cold glass on my cheek, and all of a sudden, I am mesmerised by Seine and how it dances in the colourful lights that strip careless back and forth along it.

I start smiling, sipping wine and my mind drifts…For some reason, all this beauty invades my sanity and dark clouds begin to surround my senses. Memories start unravelling and they soon snowball on me, picking up speed. But no, I refuse to let them clutter my joy, so I stand up, close my eyes tight, and I start dancing on the rhythm of a distant guitar a tall girl just started playing.

You look at me with your piercing eyes, hoping I’ll be your mistress for the night but my glance cuts deeper than a knife, and I bare no disguise, not tonight because I am done running from myself, feeling guilt or obsess over how I should think and what to press to oppress my cravings. And…oh, my dress, just look at it and how it strangles my chest.

You look at this tight, red dress you wish to undress but you can’t. You can’t dig deep into my heart to make me feel or make it all real. You seem to understand that, not calling it quits because you want to get under my skin and overpower my stubbornness. It drives you insane to want something unattainable. Should I say ‘yes’ and let you get closer until our pride melts?

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